"A blog is a first person narrative, in real time."

So here goes... As you can see, I haven't been blogging. I've been struggling. I'm NCLB'd out. Sometimes I feel I'm running a race. I'm doing all the things I'm being directed to do, and it's not enough. The thrill is gone.

I guess I really took a dive in August. We got our CST results back and I couldn't believe it. Where we had gained about 23 points the previous year, this year we gained 5... 5 points, after all the work everyone did! I was beside myself in disappointment because it was my strongest year coaching and I know I made a difference with teachers, and in turn, with students.

I know, I know... the tests don't measure it all. Okay, maybe they're skewed. Yeah, okay, I'm an X-Filer so yeah, conspiracy theories... maybe the tests are set up to make us fail so school vouchers can become the law of the land. Yeah, yeah... yada, yada, yada. The fact remains, we worked hard, we didn't achieve, and it is serious business. I can almost hear the stomping of the boots marching to our school--"Ve haff vays to make you achieff, ant you vill comply!"

I've created two posts about it, but didn't post them. Going into the classroom and blogging with SuperThinker... yeah, right--out of the question. And last week--surprise, the district decided that the Literacy Experts should be assigned to schools, 4 months at a time. Our school was selected, and now I'm her shadow. (...harbinger? the boots are coming...)

Actually, I'm happy about the expert. I can use the help, she is wonderful, and she understands--she's human! She's really getting in there and working with me, with our teachers. She's not afraid of the work, or to work, but she's stressed about it all--the vision, the consequences.

President Bush, my fellow americans, parents in our school community... we're no slackers! We're working hard. Our days are spent studying about the needs of diverse learners, backward designing around the big ideas to effectively teach the standards through mediated scaffolding/conspicuous strategies/use of direct instruction, collabo rating, doing peer observations, reflecting, revising , debriefing lessons, assessing periodically, using the data to drive instruction, planning for differentiation, moving, pushing, pulling, all to nudge along our students, most of whom are english learners struggling within a cycle of poverty, violence, grief, fear, and loss... and none of this seems to be on your timeline... your NCLB timeline!

We know the importance of our work. The urgency. Our kids need a ticket out of the cycle. Our kids are bright. They can achieve. We can achieve. But, you just don't know what we're up against. Police chase/helicopter overhead this week. Monday, we arrived to broken windows and stolen computers in the 2nd grade pod. As I was giving a demonstration lesson in a classroom the construction crew arrived, hammering and drilling to replace broken window grills. And the news arrived--we didn't get the CTAP grant we applied for so no digital cameras, no digital narratives... no one wants to hear our stories.

No, I'm not making excuses. I can learn new strategies, change, take risks, stand up to scrutiny. But... the stuff of school is people... students and teachers... human beings, not robots... and we do bleed...